Bored of Celebrity Sex Tapes

I for one am sick to death of celebrity sex tapes. With the recession hitting everyone hard, Hollywood is making fewer movies. So what’s a movie star to do… television, television stars do commercials and theater (as do movies stars who want more creed), and theater stars do…work at Starbucks.  So what’s a fame whoring reality star or a good for nothing, except for, being born rich socialite to do?  You guessed it, make a celebrity sex tape! Paris Hilton started the trend and Kim Kardashian took it to a new level by having her mother direct hers (yuck). Now there are rumors of a new sex tape on the horizon, Prince Harry’s orgy in Vegas.

First of all why would I want to see that inbred rich boy do anything?   Second of all, give the rest of us a chance, garsh darn it! How about using your fame and fortune to do something original like staying out of the media or helping the underprivileged. In fact that is the video I want to see. Prince Harry goes to inner city school and teaches kids to read. Have your orgies in private man!  And be careful with your DNA Harry, you don’t want your spilled seed to be used to find out who your real dad is…

How much white can you stand?

West to East

Puddles

Blur

Primary

Dirty Cakes

Strange the things you never notice, because no one tells you to. If it were somehow perverse, like, touching yourself in public, your parents would surely say “that is something we do in private dear, or that is a sin if you ever do that again your hand will fall off and you will go to hell.” Either way we get the message that touching ourselves in public is not ok.

This morning I was on my way to work when I noticed a Hostess delivery truck in front of the supermarket.  It made me nostalgic for a simpler time before hydrogenated oil was tantamount to rat poison, a time when me & my Papa could share a Twinkie or 4 and not think about the cancer it was feeding.

When I got to work I still had Hostess on the brain so I randomly asked a co-worker what his favorite kind was and it lead to a realization, one I am sure thousands of Americans have had before me, Hostess is pornographic.

Twinkies are phallic and cream filled, in fact most of their products are cream filled and what about some of their names:

• Ding Dongs
• Twinkies
• Fruit Pies
• Honey Buns
• Ho-hos
• Snowballs
• Cup cakes

I will never be able to watch a child or a relative, for that matter, eat a Hostess Cake again without feeling slightly dirty.

Blues